Under Siege

Belinda Neil lived and breathed her job. She loved her roles as a homicide investigator and hostage negotiator with the NSW police force, but she never knew what her work day might bring. She might be investigating a crime scene; talking a suicidal woman down from a cliff; or trying to convince a deranged man not to slit the throat of his wife and children.
As a negotiator, Belinda often found herself on cliff edges, waiting in doorways or out amongst the elements, persuading the murderous and suicidal to drop their weapons, stop terrorising their families, step back from the ledge. Belinda was so physically slight she needed help lifting on her ballistics vest, but her team never doubted her physical or mental courage. She was put forward for a bravery award and promoted to inspector but every time she stepped into a negotiation, her life was in danger, and over time the horrors she saw and her punishing schedule began to take their toll. After years of broken sleep, traumatic crime scenes and death, a series of disastrous events one weekend brought everything to a head. The next morning when she awoke, Belinda found she was shaking so badly she could not get out of bed. Unsure what was happening to her, she sought counselling but one day, shortly after, she saw the name of an old hostage-taking adversary in the paper; he had killed his ex-girlfriend. It was too much and as the continued stress took its toll, Belinda found herself contemplating jumping off a cliff in the Moreton Bay National Park. She had even written the suicide note.
Under Siege shows us the remarkable job homicide investigators and hostage negotiators perform, and their endurance and courage in impossible circumstances. More than that, this courageous memoir reveals how the daily trauma and stress affected Belinda's roles as wife and mother, how she fought against the terrifying post-traumatic stress disorder that resulted to come back from a very dark place.