Her Majesty of the media presents a new collection of her most forthright musings .
'Sixty years on the throne. Only the second monarch to celebrate a Diamond Jubilee. It's been a challenge, one doesn't mind telling you. But despite it all, one's still here. Still keeping the ship afloat, still in charge, still iconic, still keeping the gin industry in business, still ruling the world. Still reigning. God Save One.'
On her Reign: 'As monarch, one has seen some very difficult, unpleasant and demanding times, such as thirty-five Royal Variety Shows and several performances by Paul McCartney and Elton sodding John (who has a song that can be adapted for every occasion, so it would seem). It's a cross one has to bear.'
On America: 'One thinks of them as a mother thinks of a teenage boy: with a mixture of pride and exasperation. Although there is no denying that the American division of the British Armed forces has been awfully useful over time, even if they do have a habit of turning up late for wars and then taking the credit.'
