Never Flirt with Puppy Killers

From his wildly popular Tumblr page, Dan Wilbur offers his delightfully cruel summary of the books you were forced to read in high school—with all that resentment and angst loaded into a punchy re-title. From the “classics” (the books you’ve lied about reading) and "actual Classics" (Greek and Latin books people don’t even pretend to have read), to contemporary fiction (those books people talk about at parties that you’ve "definitely heard of” but never bothered to pick up), children’s (books that say the most with the fewest number of words, i.e. “The Best Books”) and reference (those books that were around before Google), there’s something here for every reader. The Very Hungry Caterpillar gets the retitle "Eat Until You Feel Pretty"; an American classic, The Great Gatsby is switched to "Drink Responsibly", and Gone Girl is retitled "A Tale of Two Shitty People".