Decades of psychological research has taught us that divorce need not harm children. The damage is done when kids are triangulated into adult conflict‚ with or without the formalities of marriage or divorce. Enlisted as infantrymen in an adult war‚ these kids are at tremendous risk for serious social‚ emotional‚ educational and health concerns.
Dr. Benjamin Garber -child psychologist‚ Guardian ad litem‚ Parenting Coordinator‚ national speaker and award winning author- paints the picture of the children triangulated into their caregivers' conflict with bold strokes. This is the first book to present this epidemic of childhood as it exists beyond the legalities of divorce. In doing so‚ Dr. Garber gives us here-and-now useful strategies with which to improve our co-parenting and to keep our kids out of the middle. Dr. Garber brings his background in child and family development‚ his expertise as a court-appointed evaluator and his deep compassion for children's wellbeing to the task of helping us to better meet our kids' needs. Keeping Kids Out Of The Middle! gives parents and child-centered professionals alike the tools with which to:
Improve child-centered communication even among highly conflicted co-parents
Make child-centered decisions about the future of the adult relationship
'Script' adult conflict and family transition so that the kids hear one‚ consistent message
Answer children's painful and provocative questions
Create child-centered post-separation and post-divorce parenting plans
Recognize and minimize the kids' risk of being adultified‚ parentified‚ infantilized and alienated
Anticipate and respond to 'visitation' resistance and refusal
Keeping Kids Out of the Middle! is both a title and a mandate. Its about the health of the next generation. Keeping Kids Out of the Middle! is required reading in the ancient art of cooperative caregiving.
Key Features
Parents are introduced to the following practical‚ hands-on tools:
1. Scripting‚- a pre-written explanation about a critical event so that kids hear a single consistent story‚ which reduces anxiety and confusion.
2. A co-parent communication log-this is a simple way for co-parents to communicate about the children without conflict.
3. A self-assessed questionnaire - this is used to help conflicted co-parents identify the nature of their differences so that they can begin to work on improving consistency
4. Re-entry rituals-intended to help children make a transition between two loving but very different homes.
